September 17, 2009 at 7:52 pm (Children)
Tags: bio, Children, first grade, Miles, profile
Miles started first grade last week and this week I got homework asking about his likes, dislikes, hopes and fears.
Here’s the Miles bio I wrote up:
Since he was born, Miles has always been very physical. He’s agile, and knows his body. A natural all-around kinesthetic learner, he picks up sports easily, processes language slowly, and is a fan of anything physical. He enjoys sports, competition, running around, and wrestling. When he comes out of his shell, he can be extremely affectionate. He’s been raised in an attachment parenting style and still sleeps in bed with me when at my house.
Miles has been raised inside of the mythology of the Buddha (that’s his nickname) and being a warrior and the codes and honor systems therein. He’s always had a proclivity towards all things driven by fighting – though for him there is no ill-intention, it’s just a fun way to play. Since he was about two, I’ve taught him to lucid dream. He now has a rich and vivid dream life (usually filled with battles) and regularly intends what he dreams on a given night.
Miles is also a strategist. He pays attention to systems and learns the points to apply pressure in order to get his outcomes.
Both his mother and I have been reading to Miles since he was 18 months old. We read every night and his greatest joy is fantasy with plenty of creatures. We’ve read hundreds of pages of Greek myths and have recently ventured into updated versions of those myths written for young adults by modern authors.
Miles intensely dislikes yelling. After his first day of first grade, when asked what he liked most about you, he said, “she doesn’t yell”. In this vein, he startles easily and sometimes takes a while to recover. He is working diligently with his mother and I to “use his words” when things upset him so that he can more quickly recover from emotional imbalances.
One of the concepts I use most often with Miles is the idea of resetting. So, if he gets off, I gently and firmly guide him back to the reset position. He is best at this when left alone. The more pressure from outside sources, the harder it is for him and the longer it takes.
Miles also loves animals. He’s got a gift when it comes to befriending them and is absolutely in love with creatures of all kinds. In addition to that he has a gentle heart. He tracks for fairness or the lack thereof and generally wants things to “be fair” – both for himself and others.
As for his hopes, I think Miles hopes that he will not be bored at school (his language, not mine) and will be able to play a lot. Truthfully, these are my hopes as well. I advocated strongly to get him into your class because of your reputation as being gentle, your background in Waldorf, and the brief MAC talk you gave at the end of the last school year. The note about snacks you sent home the first day of school was such a relief. Miles has loathed the fact that so many of his friends got candy and processed fruit snacks in their lunch boxes and all he got was “the natural, healthy not-yummy stuff”.
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June 5, 2009 at 6:39 pm (Blogroll, Children, Vignettes)
Me: Miles, when you’re older all the girls are gonna’ like you.
Miles: How do you know?
Me: I just know what they like – and you’ve got it all my friend.
Miles: Well, I do climb up polls.
Well, he does.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
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February 16, 2009 at 11:05 am (Children, Education, Homeschooling, Lucid Dreaming)
Each night Miles and I say our prayers into the dream candle. We begin by deciding what we’re going to dream about in our upcoming dreams. Once done the ritual goes like this
:
Tonight as all our dreams we frame,
Blow them in the candle flame.
Give us sweet dreams through the night,
Keep the bad dreams out of sight.
Lord Morpheus, hear our prayers,
Make us lucidly aware.
Each line is designed with intention. The first fixes our intended dreams and binds them into the flame of the candle. The flame becomes the frame for our dreams. We then invite in the good dreams and banish the unwanted. Finally, we call upon the lord of the Dreaming, Morpheus to grant us safe passage through his lands and bless us with lucidity. Upon blowing out the candle our intentions are blown into the fabric of the universe, stitching themselves into the night to come.
This morning Miles woke me up with a whisper, “Daddy, do you want to hear my dream?”
Groggily, “yes.”
“I was on a big frogs back and he was about to eat me but then i told him he was king because i remembered he told me to do that the last time i dreamed about him, so i did and he didn’t eat me.”
After deciphering what had transpired I smiled at the early signs of lucidity. My oneironaut’s training takes hold.
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January 31, 2009 at 9:50 pm (Children)
I looked at Jesse expectantly. “Well,” my eyebrows raised, “do I get a card or something?”
He had just anointed me as Jewish, honorarily.
The Bell Curve had recently been published and I had heard that Sephardic Jews were at the head of that pregnant statistical snake. Also, Jesse was the funniest person I knew. As far as I was concerned being Jewish was a badge of honor.
For as long as I can remember this has been the case. I have a lot of friends but the majority of my closest always seem to be non-practicing Jews.
Now apparently my magnetism to the Twelve Tribes has passed on to Miles.
From the back of the Nell’s car he says’ “Mommy, are we Jewish?”
Nell: “No”
Miles: “Why not? Am I Jewish?”
Nell: “Why do you ask?”
Miles: “Karen’s Jewish.”
Nell: “Okay.”
Miles: “So why aren’t I Jewish?”
Nell: “Miles’ you are so smart for your age.”
Miles: Cracks up to himself and says, “Well, that’s because I’m Jewish.”
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November 5, 2008 at 9:37 pm (Children)
The light wraps you in its mortal flame.
Abstracted pale mourner, standing that way
against the old propellers of twilight
that revolves around you.
Speechless, my friend,
alone in the loneliness of this hour of the dead
and filled with lives of fire,
and pure heir of the ruined day.
A bough of fruit falls from the sun on your dark garment.
The great roots of night
grow suddenly from your soul,
and the things that hide in you come out again
so that a blue and pallid people,
your newly born, takes nourishment.
Oh magnificent and fecund and magnetic slave
of the circle that moves in turn through black and gold:
rise, lead and possess a creation
so rich in life that its flowers perish
and it is full of sadness.
- Pablo Neruda
Studying the neurological developmental stages of children today i was more deeply impressed with the importance of imagination for children, especially during the massive mid-brain growth spurt occurring in 3-7 year olds. Now there is no denying, we need to exercise your imagination everyday.
The saddest thing is realizing something i could have been doing with you, but wasn’t.
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November 2, 2008 at 10:21 pm (Children)
Today Gwen said to me, “Devon, do you know what pumpkins are made of?” 
“what are they made of Gwen?”
“Nightmares.”
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October 26, 2008 at 10:21 pm (Blogroll, Children, Vignettes)
Karen just reminded me of when we moved in together a couple of years back, when Miles was about 4. I was out somewhere and in an effort to win Miles over, she put in The Lion King.
Early on in the movie, Disney executed it’s trademark parent-killing scene and Mustafa was trampled to death by a wild herd of wildebeests. Soon, Simba looking on at his dead father, Karen turned around to the sound of sniffling to see a teary-eyed Miles.
Are you crying? she asked, surprised because she didn’t know that empathy started so young.
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October 24, 2008 at 10:15 am (Blogroll, Children, Education, Homeschooling, Vignettes)
Tags: balance, dexterity, moutain climbing, somatics, tan tien
“Who let’s their little kid climb up mountains?!”
That’s the kind of incredulous exclamation i often hear when i’m out with Miles.
Last week, Greg summed it up best, “Miles immediately goes to do the most dangerous thing possible wherever we are.”
He’s always been like that. I remember one day in our place in Chicago, he coudn’t have been more than 13 months. I don’t think he was even walking yet, but sure enough Nell and i got to talking for more then 10 uninterrupted seconds when suddenly we hear his little call for help. He’d lightning-crawled over to the changing table and scaled the three shelves towards its top only to find that he didn’t have the arm strength to hoist himself up nor the agility to lower himself back down.
When he was two and three, we used to hang out on the see-saw to practice our balance. Balance, he was learning, is central. It was the beginning of his ninja training.
That same year, at Nell’s house, he climbed up to a little window a few feet off the floor between her kitchen and living room. She looked up and told him that he was going to fall and should get down.
“I won’t fall Mama, I’m a ninja, I have gooooood balance.”
A few weeks past, we were walking, just the two of us, down Hook Mountain trail when he saw a stick he wanted down the little cliff ledge that leads to the Hudson River. He checked with me and then, supported by my approval, made his way down the rocks to the stick.
On his way back up he came to a precarious perch. He dropped the stick and continued to climb.
At the top, i asked him where the stick was to which he replied, “when i was on that rock, i felt off balance, so i needed both my hands, not just one. I can get another stick but i only have one head!”
Go Ninja!
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October 20, 2008 at 12:44 pm (Children, Education)
Tags: Happiest Baby, Happiest Baby on the Block, Mike Davis, Swaddling
For weeks my good friend Michael has been telling me that for my next kid, i must buy Harvey Karp’s Happiest Baby video. Now here’s the video to demonstrate why and how…it works.
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October 17, 2008 at 1:06 pm (Children)
Being the most articulate 3-year old i know, Gwen will often come out with some shockers especially after hanging out with my brother Greg who excels in opinions and candor. Here are two of my recent day favorites:
Gwen and I were in the local natural health food store, Back to Earth. While talking with Marlowe, a cashier at the store, Gwen walks up, scrunches her now and says, “It smells like hippies in here”.
Indeed it did. Uncle Greg: your work here is done.
Two nights later, getting ready for bed but trying to convince Karen that there were other things to be done she suggested, “Mama!! let’s go on a recon mission!!”
Again, hats off to Greg.
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September 17, 2008 at 4:08 pm (Children)
A few days ago Miles and Gwen and i went for one of our regular outings. Here is a few hours in the life of Miles, Daddy and Gwen:
Hook Mountain trail along the Hudson River:
Adventures on the shore:
Dead Catfish
skipping stone
"i need these rocks."
bee eating dead bird
spear fishing
on the trail
tha chariot driver
gwen, sitting.
miles, climbing.
To the mall!
in the mall
gettin' the juice.
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September 17, 2008 at 2:08 pm (Children)
At age 8, i made my first airplane trip, Ft. Lauderdale to L.A., alone. I was going from my home with my mother to visit my father. Mom said the first thing i did was eye the prettiest girl in the waiting area, sit down next to her, and choose her as my companion for the trip.
During our layover, this woman took me out for hot dogs, soda and candy. Then we rode next to each other the rest of the way to California at which point our affair ended and i was on to the Rancho Sante Fe.
Nell is both one of the prettiest ladies i know. She is also a pimp. Ladies love her and she loves ladies.
So, it was of no surprise when Nell told me that Miles is obsessed with older women, citing, “He Loves Tiffany’s daughter, Rebecca who’s 12.” Then she went on to tell me the following:
Last week Miles’ played with Nell’s next door neighbor Tommy. Tommy is Miles’ age. before becoming neighbors they knew each other from martial arts. Tommy’s 9-year old sister and her friend were also outside playing with Miles.
When it was getting close to bed time, Miles came inside, went upstairs and worked fastidiously for 30 full minutes. He was creating devotional art work. Finished, he raced downstairs, “Mama, I have this picture for the…for her..that is Tommy’s…what is her name?…the girl who is Tommy’s older sister?…and her Tommy’s sister’s friend.”
Though it was too late to go next door at that point Nell assured Miles they could go over the following morning and give it them. For now, he could just put it some place safe.
A few minutes later, Janine’s cousin and his 19-year old girlfriend showed up. Miles followed her around, showing off his toys and doting his childly attention on her. As they left he remembered the artwork. He ran upstairs and got it from its holding shrine at which point it was repurposed and given to Janine’s cousin to be enjoyed by him and his lady.
As Janine’s cousin pulled away in his car, he looked at the drawing of a rainbow and in his Bronx accent said, “He gave me a gay pride picture!”
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September 17, 2008 at 1:38 pm (Children)
Miles has been into monsters for some time now. As a child who grew up obsessed with Freddy Kruger since first grade, i have very little issue allowing him to be exposed to monsters.
When he was younger (0-3) I did my best to keep the concept of monsters (as well as the concept of dessert) from him for as long as possible. But once he was talking with his friends – it was all over. Not to mention half the kids books out there are about monsters.
Anyway, at night i lay down and go to sleep with him. I have a great internal clock that allows me to fall asleep with him, get an evening 15, and then wake up right after he’s in. However, on the very rare occassion that i don’t lay down with him, i always come into his room later in the night to find him with the covers pulled up over his head.
Two nights ago i told him i wasn’t going to lay down with him that night. He said that he wanted me to because it was hot and he would have to pull the covers over his head. I asked why. Reluctantly he told me it was because he was scared of monsters. I reiterated something i’ve told him before,
“All monsters work for me, Miles.”
For the first time he voiced skepticism. I asked him if he wanted to ask a monster himself. He said yes. So, now i have to arrange the meeting. Luckily Uncle Greg is down for the next few days. It should be an interesting week.
btw- on a philosophical note – i do this because i believe in the “if you can’t get someone into your reality, join them in theirs” model. I never believed adults when they told me monsters didn’t exist. The fear in my chest and stomach assured me they did.
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September 12, 2008 at 10:42 am (Uncle Greg)
Tags: child labor
This is how Uncle Greg takes the kids to the park:
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September 8, 2008 at 5:29 pm (Children, Education, Homeschooling)
So what do you want for a kid if your intention is essentially that they follow their passion – that they never lose their curiosity and fascination…
My favorite authors on childhood development all suggest something similar: Teach children how to learn and teach them to love to learn. But, given my own fascination there’s something critical missing from almost all things i read on development: teach children how to use themselves well.
So what does this include? For Miles it includes knowing not only the names of all his muscles, but how to use each one. It includes building a memory palace into which all new knowledge can be mnemonically stored. It includes being facile in using all five of his senses as well as his proprioception. It also includes emotional stability and an ever-increasing scope of awareness and ecological understanding
Of course, at five there are only so many games we can play to begin encouraging these traits. At the moment a lot of it consists of the activities and stories. Since he’s Mr. Physical he does mixed martial arts. We run around, we dance, we wrestle. And then there are the stories i tell, the shows we watch and the games we play together. And the way i make meaning of everything.
Anyway, our former neighbor is an FBI agent in surveillance so recently i asked her the kinds of things she pays attention to. Here’s what she said, “I always notice where people are when i walk into a room. I’m always paying attention to who’s watching me, and i watch how people walk, You can change your hair, you can change the way you dress, but your walk is your walk. It’s always a giveaway.”
There’s a scene in the Bourne Identity when Jason Bourne walks into a diner and goes through all of the things he noticed from the time he arrived to the time he sat at his table to eat. They included how many cars were in the parking lot, information about their license plates, how many exits are in the diner, how many people are in the room, who’s a threat, what their weaknesses are, etc…
These things are helping to guide and inspire me.
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September 8, 2008 at 5:27 pm (Children, Homeschooling, Uncle Greg)
Greg and Miles and I, with a little help from Gwen, built this little house in our backyard last week:
It’s cedar that feels like balsa wood. It also has real professional-grade shingles which i screwed in individually for about an hour. Kid’s rating = 4/4 stars.
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September 7, 2008 at 10:24 pm (Children, Homeschooling, Uncle Greg)
Now that homeschooling has begun i have the daunting challenge of fitting both things i love – working and playing with Miles – into my rigorous schedule. For those who don’t have children, you cannot understand what it means to have a child of your own until you have one. Babysitting doesn’t even come close. To “get it” you’d need to clean up another animal’s poop for several years, all the while depriving yourself of sleep, being happy with a half-day off every two months and being okay if a little vomit from someone else’s mouth accidentally spills in your own while you’re playing Superman with them.
And while the merits and joys of parenting come to parents (often at night as their children sleep soundly and noiselessly) and though the love you feel for someone that you dote on every day, in every situation possible from the day they are born redefines what love can mean, sometimes it’s nice to get a little something else.
Mine and Karen’s “little something else” came recently when Uncle Greg started “mannying” Wednesdays and Fridays (with some help extending into Thursdays since he stays with us. Let me explain. Greg, one of my little brothers and closest friends in the world, is also a killing machine. Army trained, Greg handles guns that would injure most humans simply pulling the trigger. He placed first in his boot camp in combatives (hand-to-hand combat) and three punches from another 6-ft dude just gets him mad. He runs many miles at speeds simply unreasonable for someone his size and eats metal for breakfast, if he eats breakfast at all.
So, in addition to having someone spend time with the kids that loves them and who they love, in addition to the benefit of knowing he can kill offenders with his bare hands, it was nice to know that we had someone trained to make it happen – to go and go and go and never quit.
This is Greg moments after coming in from a day out playing with Miles and Gwen:
Karen and i laughed, the soft laugh of people who haven’t slept enough in years, as we basked in the reflection of our own glory.
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September 7, 2008 at 9:31 pm (Children)
It’s been a while since i thought of Steven Johnson’s quick, delightful and iconoclastic book, Everything Bad is Good for You.
As a father who subscribes to many Waldorf or Waldorf-inspired philosophies, my leaning is away from the glass tit, i don’t encourage/allow a lot of television at home. However, Miles has recently discovered an “Arkanoid” style game of breaking bricks with a ball on my iPhone. He started with zero skill, using his ten lives in a matter of minutes and making it no further than level three. Three weeks later, with a little practice several mornings of the week, he now makes it to level 35 with lives to spare. Which brings me back to Johnson’s and it’s advocacy for video game play.
Last week the Times posted an article on the latest Will Wright game, creator of such God-mimicking classics as Sim City and The Sims. As a father who sports a picture on my desk of Miles wearing a “Teach Evolution” shirt, when it comes to the idea of evolution i’m a bit of a fan.
So when i read about Spore (the coming attraction video kicks ass), it solidified an idea i had been toying with over the last three weeks – to buy or not to buy…the Nintendo Wi. Yes, oh yes, it will be bought. And we will play at the God game and practice hand-eye coordination, explore genetic reality bending and learn about our small but significant place in the great bush of life.
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August 25, 2008 at 8:54 pm (Children)
I gave myself this week as an experiment – homeschooling without expectations or personal censure. To prepare i got about a dozen books (reviews on the way when i have ~ahem~ time). My favorite by far have been the books on Waldorf education. The reason is that given where i am – jumping headlong into full-time homeschooling with Miles without any idea how it’s done, the Waldorf books give concrete details of how a day in the life of their kindergartners goes.
It took exactly one day to feel like i’ve been quite inadequate as a parent to date. Rhythms!! The rhythm of a child’s day! This is a concept that seems totally novel to me. I mean, i’ve heard the idea before, i even capitalize on ultradian rhythms to do work with people, but for some reason the idea of recognizing and shaping the rhythms of Miles day-to-day life never occurred to me in quite the way i felt it today.
I’m tired (and sick) so i’m going to keep it short right now but i believe that keeping rhythm – in the day, in the week, and in the year will be a truly profound and useful experience for us all. Already, just by considering it, i feel more in-sync with Miles then ever.
Karen implemented “high-low” a few weeks back where we all tell the highs and lows of our days. It’s a ritual that has become a staple of our meals now that Miles in particular loves. I’m looking forward to more rhythms and expectations, more rituals and regular family events.
Here are a few other Waldorf-book inspired ideas that i think will make it into our days:
- Getting up with the kids each morning
- Having a sit down breakfast with them
- A candle lighting before bed
- Reading a mid-day story
- Having the kids help make and clean up from meals
- Labels on toy bins so they learn the names of and care for their toys
- Go outside every day
- Some rituals that bring awareness to our connection with every one, every thing and the universe around us integrated throughout our day.
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